Personal Testimony

I grew up Catholic and went to church every Sunday with all of my family members. I loved the time spent with them and as funny as it may sound, I also loved "showing off my family." We have always been a close nit family and the love that we have for one another is special. God blessed us greatly. 

I never really felt that God was with me, I wished I felt his presence more than I did. It wasn't until I was about 13 that I really felt his presence. It was Easter and my whole family, all 7 of us were at Mass. I looked up at the cross and felt this warm feeling, something I had never felt before. It made me feel welcome and grateful for my life. After Mass I thought about it and realized that that feeling I had felt was God trying to speak to me. It was him trying to tell me that I am one lucky girl, and I must realize it. 

Since that moment, every time I go to mass, I always try to remember that warm presence I felt when I was an innocent 13 year old little girl. The older I have gotten though, the more I realize that life and God isn't always going to be that simple. Life is hard, and getting to know God is hard. If you are anything like me, I want to assure you that if you sometimes don't even desire getting to know God, that that is okay. He is always going to be waiting for you with wide open arms, and a special kind of love only He can give you. 

When I was 12, I lost a family friend of mine. She was also 12. She had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. This event changed my life forever. It definitely changed my perspective on life. It made me wonder why God didn't "give" me the brain tumor. It made me mad at God. Even to this day, at 22, my relationship with him has never been the same. 

That's the funny thing about life though. There are just so many questions and what if's that you cannot let get between you and the Lord. If you did, you would never feel close to Jesus. This is where faith comes in. Faith to know that things will turn out for your own good, just like God promises. Romans 8:28 says, "We know that for those who love God, that is for those who are called according to his purpose all things are working together for good." In times of desperation we must remember that God is good all the time, and to go to him especially when we don't feel like it. I have learned that I need him the most, when I don't want anything to do with him. He tries to speak to you in ways that you may not understand, but as long as you are willing to have a receptive heart in your relationship with the Lord, He will bless you and keep you safe. 

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for many years now. As I have worked through those hard times, I have seen God through it all. I have realized that maybe I am going through what I am because He needs me to help other people going through the same thing. Or maybe He needs me to learn to surrender to him with my full heart, allowing him to help me through hard times, even when I do not appreciate the help a lot of the time. He is present in your everyday life and that in itself should be enough to get you through. 

I know it can be hard to give your life fully to God as I am still learning to do so. However, I knew this wise elderly lady and she had given her whole self to God. She proved that once she did that, it was the best decision she had ever made. Her name was Florence and she is someone we should all aspire to be like. 

Be grateful people. 

What a life we get to live,

Maggie