You Are Where You Need To Be

 Guys! Honesty time...

I have struggled with anxiety my whole life and was diagnosed with depression last year. I had to take medication for those two things and after one year I was able to wean off of it and praise be to God I am doing better than I was with the medication! 

I am learning to be kinder to myself which takes a lot of practice. But once you learn how to it will benefit you in so many ways. I have never found myself worthy of love or life for that fact and have always questioned why. BUT the more research and time I have spent thinking on that and accepting that I have those feelings the more I feel ok with where I am. Being the youngest of 5 really can take a toll on you. You not only compare yourself to your older siblings, but they compare you to everyone else as well. Which I hate to say it, but that isn't fair. Everyone is where they are at for a reason. And I truly believe that God has you in the very palm of his hand waiting for you to thrive the way He know you can. 

This past summer, I got my associates and was on the honors list. I have always struggled in school but in college, surprisingly, I excelled. After a while of thinking back on my past schooling experience I have realized that I have done so well in college because I wanted to prove people wrong. I used their doubts about me as fuel. I not only proved them wrong but I proved myself wrong too. I proved to myself that I was in fact capable, I was smarter than I ever knew, and I was where God has placed me and I should be okay with that. 

After I got my associates I got a job at a school for autistic kids. As much as I cared for the kids I had to teach, I literally hated it at the same time. Every day after school when I was driving home I would cry because it took such a toll on my mental health. They hit, spit, screamed in your face, kicked, and would do just about anything else except for the things you asked them so politely to do. It was not a good fit for my temperament and I had to quit. I still miss the kids because as much as they frustrated me and physically hurt me, they were fun to play with and be with. They were goofy, loving as much as they knew how to be and just all around good kids. But the longer I have been away from the job the more I realize I absolutely did the right thing by quitting. 

If I had one suggestion it would be to do what you need to do for your mental health. Mental health should always be top priority. You do not want to mess with your mental state if you can help it. If I am being completely honest, I started to pick up my old habits that I had gotten into during the time of my job. These were the first signs that I saw and how I knew that I needed to quit. 

Another piece of advice that I would give to anyone wondering or asking, is to not let anyone tell you where you should be. You know you best and you should be the only one allowed to say where you feel God is leading you. When I first quit my job, I kept doubting myself and wondering if it was the right decision. Then I started to realize that if I was having self doubt and negative thoughts about myself and my life that it was the right decision to make! 

It is okay to be wherever you are at in life and not where others expect you to be. Your life is yours. You get to choose what you do and how you do it. Do something you are passionate about! It doesn't matter if you are passionate about it for a year or 10 years, if it is on your heart, that means that it is important to you. 

Being who God made you to be takes work. But in all things, God gives you strength and grace for whatever comes your way. How cool is that?! His love for you is everlasting and that is what is and should be most important. 

I have learned to use doubt of any kind as fuel to do what you need and want to do. Who doesn't love proving people wrong?! I sure do. And usually when I attempt at that, I succeed. Usually ;) 

Alright there is more to come but for now I am signing off. 

Don't forget to be thankful for the life that God has blessed you with. 

What a life we get to live,

Maggie